Jealous Over Your Memories
by DarkJisushiku
Summary: Schuldich is having trouble coming to terms with his past... And one regretful mistake keeps haunting him... Although he can see others' memories, he can't have those instead of his own. {A lot of Schu musing on stuff} {R&R}


**Title: Jealouse Over Your Memories**

**Rating: PG**

**Disclaimer:** Owns nothing...

**Warnings:** Uh, everyone does know that Schuldich means "guilty" in German, right? Actually, that's not a spoiler or anything, I just wanted let you people know that it does.

**A/N:** I have no clue what in the world made me write this! I seriously have no clue. I wrote this awhile ago, but never bothered to put it up on Tell what you think, because this one is kinda different from my normal stuff...at least to me it is...

'/.../' - telepathy

* * *

The shuffling of feet. 

"I'm tired."

The whimpering of a child.

"Can we stop?"

The sound of a body collapsing.

"I - I really c - c - can't..."

The splash of a cooling tear.

"..go on..."

A heavy sigh.

"...Schuldich."

The redheaded boy turned to face his female companion. He was eleven years old, and the moon's glow caressed his sharp features. His feathery hair blew in the still, silent wind. He bent low to the ground, brushing the girl's dark hair out of her face. Her breath was ragged... Her face was warm - too warm... She was fading... now.

"Jackie? Jackie?" A slim finger poked the girl's face.

The night cloaked the two, but that was the problem - it was only for one night. The police would come. The police would drag them back. The police would lock them up. They had to go NOW.

"Jackie?"

She sighed again and surrendered to her childhood friend. On weak limbs, she climbed to her feet, staggering slightly. Her soft eyes were filled with shadowy tears.

"Let's go," Schuldich commanded, running ahead.

When the girl made no attempt to leave, he turned. Angry, he yelled, "I meant _NOW_, Jackie!"

She nodded and took a step forward...

And then knelt over and fell.

"Jackie! YOU IDIOT GIRL!" The boy ran back and desperately tugged on Jackie's bruised arm. "THEY'RE GONNA LOCK US BOTH UP! I KILLED THEM! I KILLED THEM, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" He latched on to her shoulders and shook her violently. "THEY'RE GOING LOCK US UP FOR LIFE!"

"..._no_... "

"COME ON, STUPID GIRL!" He tugged frantically, holding back watery tears.

"...please, stop..."

"I'll leave you!" threatened the boy.

"I'll forgive you," whispered the girl.

"I won't come back!" shouted the boy.

"I'll come find you," answered the girl.

"I'm leaving!" screamed the boy.

"You do that," sighed the girl.

And he did leave. Schuldich only looked back once... only to see his companion dying softly in the grass.

oooooooooooooooo

"Schuldich?"

The German snapped out of his memory and stared at his leader. Snarling, he got up from the table and walked away.

Crawford just watched, none of it holding his interest. The American wasn't worried - the German always came back. Though no one could really see why. The thrill of Schwarz's chaos no longer held any of them. They now only stayed to be with each other... to belong in some way. But Schuldich needed none of them. He was not shunned, like Nagi. He was not mad, like Farfarello. He was not lonely, like Crawford. He could wind his way back into society, unlike the others. But still... he stayed.

Schuldich stared into the watery depths of the river. Something inside was longing to jump into the water and drown himself in the misery. But even the blue creases and curves didn't welcome him. Even they knew he was guilty.

Years ago... on that solemn night... he had killed five people. The first was Jackie's father, who had been beating her relentlessly. It had been self-defense - in a way. That was the first time he had ever touched a gun. That was the first time he had ever hurt anyone so badly. That was the first time he had another's blood stains on his clothes.

The second was Jackie's mother, who never had protected her daughter. But... She _deserved_ to die. That was not self-defense.

The third was the nosy neighbor, who had seen it all. He didn't deserve to die, but rather he_ had_ to die. That would protect Jackie and him for a little while.

The fourth was the boy on the street, who had oncetried to force himself on Jackie. He had to die, because Schuldich hated his very existence. That was done please him.

The fifth was Jackie. Her bruises and broken bones didn't allow her to keep going... But he _could _have stayed with her. He _could_ have waited until she got better. He_ could_ have sat down and nursed her back to health. That wasjust _unfair_.

"I better go," he said, to no one in particular, sighing. He walked away from the river, heading back to Schwarz's apartment. But inside his mind, voices, that didn't belong to anyone here in the present, but to the ghosts of the past, rang out.

_"I'll leave you!"_

_"I'll forgive you." Did you really... forgive me?_

_"I won't come back!"_

_"I'll come find you." Why didn't you... come and find me?_

_"I'm leaving!"_

_"You do that." Why did you let me...**leave**? Why didn't you **make **me stay and help you?_

"Back so soon?" Crawford asked, a small smirk comingacross his face.

Schuldich stared for about a minute before changing his mind and stalking back out of the house. He didn't need to put up with Crawford... Well, any of Schwarz for that matter... He just needed to be alone.

So he walked and walked and ended up in a small cafe, sipping a latte, watching, half-heartedly, the fools who believe the sugar-coated lies that are fed to them...

Crawford, he thought bitterly. Crawford knows what the future held and yet he never bothered to leave Schwarz. He could come back into the world, but his own loneliness keeps him in chains...

And speaking of chains - Farfarello. He's not insane, just trying to find someone to blame. He loathes his own reflection, but he refuses to say why. It's all God's fault, he tells them. But even he knows what he's done. He stays because he cannot escape the past...

Neither can Nagi. The boy who has spent his own life being called a demon has finally accepted that asa truth. And maybe it is, maybe it is... Nagi could maim all of his teammates, like Lucifer incarnate.That boycontinues to come back, though,for the idea of being in control of his life for once, even though he scares all of them... even Crawford sometimes...

And Loneliness, Denial, and Control seemed to get along well together...

Yes, really well...

_/ I hate my life.../_ hissed a broken voice in Schuldich's head. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't his own thought, but a fragment of someone else's depression.

The Mastermind glanced around the shop, reaching out to every person he could see. Then he paused on one lanky blonde man, who was staring idly into his coffee mug.

"Weiss," murmured Schuldich, smirking. Time to relieve some of his anger on someone else... "If you hate your life, allow me to relieve you of the pain of living."

He reached out and latched on to the wavelength of Youji's memories, ready to tease and torment that fractured soul. But before he could do anything, much less kill him, his mind was flooded with an all-too-familiar memory.

_"I'll leave you!" threatened the tall blonde, yanking on a woman's pale hand._

_"Then, I guess, I'll forgive you," sneered the woman, obviously not believing a word of it. She was leaning against a brick wall. Her legs didn't seem to support her weight for some reason._

_"I won't come back!" shouted the man, glaring. But he made no attempt to leave._

_"If you must, then I'll come find you," answered the woman, crossing her hands over her chest._

_"I'm leaving!" stormed the man, impatience gnawing away at his bones. If they were caught... If those men found them..._

_"You do that," sneered the woman, indifferently._

_The blonde went to leave, but, about one yard away, he turned on his heel, and came back to the woman._

_"Idiot," she sighed, smirking._

_"I know...," he answer, lifting her up, cradling her, allowing her bloody legs to stain his nice, new overcoat. He stumbled for a second, threatening to fall, but straightened up and hurried along with the woman nestled in his arms._

_"...I know, Asuka... I am an idiot..." _

Schuldich got up, shaking slightly, and stomped out of the cafe, without bothering to even notify Weiss that his memories had been violated.

"...what a complete bore...," he muttered, kicking a empty soda can home. "Stupid kitty... _'I know, Asuka, I**am** an idiot'_... stupid Weiss..."

Sentimental people never had any right to live in this world. Those who wore their hearts on their sleeves were doomed to die painful deaths. Morons who cared for someone else more then themselves were destined to be brought under by such foolish morals...

"I hate fools like that," muttered Schuldich, his eyes glinting madly. "But... such fools make lovely puppets on invisible strings..."

And he sauntered home, thinking up new and horrible ways to punish Youji, King of Fools, each idea more terrible and twisted than the last...

But when the German fell asleep that night, he dreamed about Jackie and carrying her away from where he had once left her. About her chiding him, saying he was a fool. And about him admitting that she was right. That he was a fool who had allowed himself to be broken for years over one selfish decision.

And when dawn broke the next morning, the redhead awoke and began thinking appallingly twisted thoughts, forgetting the dream and how he earned his name.

* * *

**The End**

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End file.
